It's funny how history seems to repeat itself whenever I try another strategy to prevent and avoid drama. People seems to like to use something smallest against me and create idiotic reason to point fingers at me as a "bad" friend. I realize that a lot of "friends" I have has high expectations towards me to be always the cheerful, bubbly, and experienced one to always have my heart and arms open wide for them to come and leave whenever as they please. That's kind of mean. Ofcourse I would like to be considered a good friend that is reliable and understanding but even I can't handle having my patience being tested constantly.

Somehow me being quieter and sullen has been causing some issues with assumptions that I'm purposely ignoring them and being closed minded. I've been betrayed by every friend that I trusted and poured every bit of my raw emotions. Perhaps I'm the type to hold a small grudge against them but it really hurt to be indirectly slapped after I opened up. I've been having trust issues with a lot of people and I sometimes wonder if people are just bound to have me around for good months or so and leave me behind after they are finished with me.

I've noticed how people expect me to always be the one to "chase" after them. Approach them first with conversation starter/greeting. I'm sick of that. Even if I were to be upset, I have to smile because I definately know that I'm the emotional type who can't hold tears back. My tears have become too common to effect anyone so I've been working on it to not let it out so easily.

The more I opened up, the less respect, understandment, trust, and etc. I recieve.

But now I'm recieving complaints of me being closed up.

I'm done with you all. Fuck off please.